Dear Food Diary

No one's dead yet.

2011-09-10T20:31:00.002-05:00

Happened So Fast

2010-10-19T20:26:00.000-05:00

In progress, even if you don't believe in progress.

2010-08-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

We resumed our cheese curd experiment, this time using a stainless pot on the grill's side burner. That deep fryer was b.s., Food Diary.

We also grilled corn, used up more (nyganous) tomatoes, and enjoyed another pickle variation.

Christian was there.

And Sarah.

The Windzor 5 Country & Western band:

We took the niece on a Target Field tour...

At Sea Salt...

It was only a change of plan

2010-08-16T22:25:00.004-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

Do you need any tomatoes? Some asshole put six plants in my backyard this spring and, looking out my window now, I can see that tomato production has gotten somewhat out of hand. So I made pizza from scratch Saturday, sauce included, but that only took about 10 tomatoes. I may have to start canning, which I hate to do.

On the subject of of things I hate to do: Remember when I ran that toad over with the lawnmower? The toad turned out to be okay -- no visible signs of damage, though I ruined his grassy habitat and think I may have given him a post traumatic stress disorder. Sarah and I felt bad about that, so we brewed a beer ("Hoppy Toad") in his honor.

After a couple weeks bottled (and through the magic of sorcery), the beer is now carbonated and ready to drink. I took a sample outside to share with the toad, but he never came around. I even used his favorite glass.

I planned to leave the glass out there for the toad to find overnight, but the beer must have evaporated or something, 'cause it was gone by the time I went inside.

While I was outside I checked out some of our crops.

Hops crops.

A few of our (many) remaining tomatoes.

For supper we had garden stuff: roasted beets, refrigerator pickles (cucumbers, dill, onions -- plus some vinegar, honey, and seeds), grilled eggplant, steamed broccoli and green beans, and chicken wings. The chicken wasn't from the backyard, though I'm sure you'll catch that thing yet.

...time warp again.

2010-08-04T23:02:00.008-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

Here's (some of) our garden a month ago. It looks pretty different now. The tomato plants are taller and more tomato-covered; the peas have produced pea pods and died. There are actual sprouts on the brussels sprouts. The cauliflower is long eaten, while the broccoli continues to send up new shoots after we removed the head.

Anyway, here's what it was like in a simpler time:

Brussels sprouts:

Dill and bunching onions:

This was stolen/eaten by a squirrel:

We've eaten a bunch of that already, Food Diary. Sorry I didn't tell you about it before. We made a sesame/soy broccoli side dish... you wouldn't have liked it. We made some pickles with mini cucumbers, dill, and onions. Uh, we had roasted beets tonight. We've had raspberries, blueberries, cherries, and a couple strawberries we managed to wrestle away from the chipmunks that moved into the old rabbit/woodchuck apartment under the shed.

Anyway, none of that is the kind of stuff you'd care about. Sorry I don't have any more pictures of cake.

It's So Intense

2010-08-02T22:10:00.005-05:00

The day after our 3rd of July feast, I spent most of the morning in the garden tending our beans, beets, blueberries, broccoli, brussels sprouts, carrots, cauliflower, cucumbers, dill, eggplant, hops, melons, onions, pears, peas, peppers, radishes, raspberries, squash, strawberries, etc. Plus I had to mow. That kind of work requires a sustainful, nourishing breakfast.

While I was mowing, I noticed something move in a patch of grass I'd just passed over. This guy was there, looking put out at the loss of his tall-grass habitat.

Sarah and I were so impressed by the nubbly fellow's survival skills (i.e. ducking and looking pissed) that we brewed up a beer in his honor that night: Hoppy Toad.

It's full of (Cascade & Centennial) hops, honey, (biscuit) malt, oats, and survival instinct. Here it is in secondary fermentation, with whole Cascade hops and Citra pellets:

We just bottled it yesterday -- so it should be drinkable shortly. When it is I'll share it with you, Food Diary. And if I can find the toad again, I'll share some with him.

Your pal,
Matt

Say, can you see?

2010-07-04T22:01:00.001-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

Why yes, those are home-fried cheese curds and french fries.

Fire In the Street

2010-06-29T22:21:00.004-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

Congratulations! Your ill-conceived and comically dangerous experiments have succeeded -- you've traveled back in time 19 days. And with only minor damage to the very fabric of reality! Well done.

Tonight, Christian and I went to see The New Pornographers at First Avenue. It was the full eight-piece lineup (supplemented by a multi-instrumentalist dude with the wickedest cello-face I've ever seen. He's like the Jonny Lang of classical string instruments).

I saw them open (as a six-piece) for Belle & Sebastian in 2006 and wasn't especially impressed as they chugged, all business, through songs off of Twin Cinema. This time around I was struck by the band's professionalism and attention to detail. With the exception of Dan, who only occasionally emerged from backstage just long enough to give an animated mutter through one of his tunes and down a beer, the group displayed both a workmanlike "we keep our heads down and plow through" approach to performing and a new (to me, at least) flair for the dramatic. They delivered the most minor instrumental details from their two more recent albums and even managed roll out a intensity/emotionally-textured setlist. Here are some pictures of them doing that.

After the show, we played some midnight tennis and went to the traditional place for a very early breakfast.

"You know you've come from someplace filthy when you go into a Flameburger bathroom to wash your hands."

I can smell a pig from a mile away.

2010-06-23T21:24:00.004-05:00

Madison does have at least one other point of interest (oh right -- aside from the two lakes, UW, and all the hippies/culture): The finest pork shoulder sandwich I've ever eaten.

Yes, those are sugar-fried biscuits as my (2nd) side. Four of them.

How good is this plate? So good I diverted a business trip to Chicago (with my boss) to stop at Smokey Jon's. So good that Sarah and I drove there, on this particular day, during a tornado warning.

It's good.

s'good,

Matt

Spotted Cow

2010-06-23T21:09:00.002-05:00

So what else do they have in Madison, aside from cows, statues of cows, and affectionate/thieving animals? Not much, so we took a day trip to New Glarus to visit their Swissish atmosphere and ultra-fancy new brewery.

The "top of the hill" New Glarus brewery was just finished a year ago, and it's obvious they put a ton of thought into it. Firstly, it's kinda beautiful. It's also a study in efficiency: enormous copper brew kettles get their own shrine, while a dozen fermentation tanks are tucked away in an adjacent, secured, room. Across from fermentation is a yeast-culture room, where they collect and reculture their yeasts. Just down the hall there are brite tanks and, finally, an enormous Skynet bottler. Every cord and cable in the building is tucked safely away amongst the rafters, and warmly decorated, cavernous, production rooms allow for expansion and easy cleaning.

Actually, it's more than just kinda beautiful.

New Glarus has the capacity to brew a lot of beer. A lot of pretty excellent beer, actually. So why haven't you heard of it, Food Diary? Because its entire capacity (100,000 barrels per year -- 3.1 million gallons) is consumed in meeting the demand from Wisconsinites. 3.1 million gallons. And that's besides all the Miller they make, drink, throw up, and drink in that state.

Wisconsin is like a black hole of beer; the sheer volume of beer created/consumed in the state creates a kind of drunk gravity so strong that no beer can escape.

We were lucky to get out with those commemorative glasses.

Seein' things that I may never see again.

2010-06-09T20:48:00.003-05:00

So what do they have in Madison, aside from cows?

Statues of cows.

Odes to badger motherhood.

Odes to carnival food, pot-bellies, or possibly French imperialism.

At the Henry Vilas Zoo, they've got super-chill grizzly bears.

"Sup?"

Confused, displaced Antarctic penguins

Tiny prairie-dog pups

Banana-stealing chipmunks (this one was under our picnic table)

And animals that go to town like Tri-Delts on a Tuesday night.

All this action was only half of one day in old MadTown, Food Diary. There's more to tell, but I'll let you digest that (as it were) for now.

For All the Cows

2010-06-07T21:26:00.005-05:00

Dear Food Diary,
First off -- yes, we did end up making sandwiches with our leftover prime rib. We had an excellent two days of beef: grilled/smoked prime rib with grilled toast and giantsalad, followed by thin-sliced steak on ciabatta rolls with homemade horseradish, caramelized onions, and mushrooms.

Yes sir/diary, it was a beef party in my mouth. Sarah and I have a longstanding love of the cow meat, and with rarely any qualms about it.

This weekend we went to Madison for many reasons. Among them, we went to celebrate our anniversaries (dating and wedding) and stomp around our old stomping grounds.

Did you know this weekend was an event called "Cows on the Concourse" at the Madison Farmers' Market?

Cows are adorable, and now I feel kinda bad about loving to eat them so much. Or loving so much to eat them. Both I guess. Sorry, cows.

Think I'll pack it in and buy a pickup.

2010-05-30T20:45:00.002-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

Today Sarah and I participated in the Memorial Day tradition of grilling meat. I'm not really sure how cooking animal parts is related to honoring the memory of people who have served our country, but we're happy to do our part.

I went to Dunn Bros for coffee early, then stopped at Bob's Produce Ranch for my meat... but they didn't have what I was looking for (beef rib roast). So I went down to Byerly's Roseville and picked up a 3 lb slab (and a copy of The Onion for the crossword puzzle. Sarah and I have been on a bigtime crossword kick).

I seasoned the meat with sea salt, garlic powder, onion powder, course ground pepper, brown sugar, and celery seeds.

Then I stuck it in the fridge for a few hours while I did some chores. Thanks for offering to help, by the way, stupid jerkass Food Diary.

I did some more painting and worked on my raspberry patch while the meat was grilling/smoking. After a couple of hours, the beef clump hit an internal temp of 125, so I pulled it and let it rest while Sarah finished her giant salad. I grilled up some bread. Then we ate (thanks for offering to help, by the way).

Tomorrow we're having sandwiches with the leftovers. Using the leftovers, actually -- not with them. That would be awkward. Before that, we have to stop at Byerly's again and pick up some horseradish root, onions, and more French bread.

I'll tell you about it later.
Most sincerely yours,

Matt

Weapon of Choice

2010-05-23T22:03:00.004-05:00

Cinnamon roll from Key's Cafe, dark chocolate iced mocha from Caribou.

Fresh beer brats from Rainbow's deli, with caramelized onions and succotash. Homebrew india pale ale.

Grilled salmon, dill, lemon. Fingerlings with dill & chives. More homebrew. Our first original recipe: Quality Start.

On the subject of homebrew, today we went to Sarah's cousins' brewfarm.

I realize now that I was wrong.

2010-05-10T19:08:00.005-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

My tomato plants on May 2nd:

My tomato plants today, May 10th:

Goddamnitsomuch.

When it lasted all day we would blast it all day.

2010-05-02T21:20:00.002-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

Spring is here. You and I have had our doubts for weeks, but it's not going to snow anymore. We're free.

The ducks believe it.

The geese believe it.

The trees believe it.

I believe it.

Why won't you?

Every delight bloom we're marching through.

2010-04-18T08:54:00.004-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

I've been spending a lot of time outside over the past month, getting ready to plant the garden and relandscape the front yard. I dug up a ton (or two) of landscaping rock, then got a replacement ton (or two) of black dirt and carted that around, shoveling and raking it into a slope in the front yard. I built another garden box, and a trellis, then hauled the leftover dirt into the backyard and shoveled some more.

Why the garden boxes? Because our backyard is filled with hungry and terrifying creatures. The individual creatures aren't both hungry and terrifying, BTW -- there are some that are hungry (rabbits) and some that are terrifying (mutant ninja squirrel, giant woodchuck).

The garden boxes are a defense against the rabbits, who over the past winter ate all of our front-yard shrubs, three arborvetae, two grape vines, a blueberry bush, and most of an apple tree.

I really like having rabbits in the backyard, on account of their cuteness. But after they ate everything we own, I considered evicting them from the under-shed holes. Turns out, I didn't need to. A huge woodchuck moved in a couple weeks ago and started hanging out under our shed -- the rabbits also stuck around, eating the freshly green grass and casting spiteful glances at the woodchuck.

At first I was pretty thrilled to have an honest-to-goodness groundhog living in our backyard, then Sarah mentioned that she's seen how much wood a woodchuck would chuck -- and it's lots. It had to go.

So I bought some woodchuck mace (yes, there is such a thing) and sprinked it near the entrance of the hovel holes. The following morning I decided to flood him out, usher him out the front gate, then cement up the holes.

Woodchucks are fast. And you can tell when they're pissed. After about a half hour of tunnel flooding, the thing emerged, shook itself off, looked at me, and bolted for under the deck. I chased it, not really thinking about what I'd do if I actually caught it. It was moot, anyway, 'cause it scurried under the deck lattice, laughed, and gave me the finger.

I spent the next hour building a woodchuck corral and disassembling the deck lattice. Eventually I was able to spook him out from under the deck, through the corral, out the gate, and into our neighbor's backyard. Mission accomplished.

Wow. That was a long story. I've gotta get outside and start working on the firepit.

Last thing. We went to the Twins game Monday, the home opener, and took the Northstar train.

Our view from the very last row of the rightfield-line upper deck. Not too bad.

Lookie-loos looking on from the rooftop across the way from Target Plaza (behind rightfield).

Major League Baseball's fourth-largest HD replay screen.

Sarah's view of Major League Baseball's fourth most-giant dude. It was hard to see the action (unless you count the dude as "action"), so we left our seats after the 5th and went wandering.

After a minor feast at the Townball Tavern, we ended up downstairs, hanging out next to a column, with this view.

I'm gonna turn dining back into eating.

2010-04-12T20:27:00.004-05:00

Antipasto plate from a couple weeks back:

Now that's it's warm, we've been grilling (and eating on the porch) nearly every damn day. Grilled chicken satay with garlic broccoli and Bell's Two-Hearted:

Early weekday breakfast:

Murray's steak sandwich and fresh kettle chips from the Townball Tavern at Target Field:

That was from tonight's opener. More on that later. Also, woodchuck madness, rock-raking weekends, homebrewing...

...and, like the rest of us, you got those old eternity blues.

2010-04-12T19:39:00.005-05:00

If they don't win it's okay...

2010-04-03T09:45:00.004-05:00

Dear Food Diary,

We hit up the Twins' exhibition game last night and got our second up-close look at the new ballpark. It's a lot more exciting (and a little more annoying) completely packed with people than it was mostly empty at the open house a few weeks back. Equally pretty, though.

The Cardinals felt right at home:

Much to your delight and/or stern disappointment, they have food at Target Field.

Oh right -- also they play baseball there.

MSTF3K:

I actually have a lot more to tell you, but I need to get outside and start some springtime chores. It's been a crazy glorious few days (aside from a little rain yesterday afternoon). Remind me to tell you about these things:

Mutant squirrel
What happened to Sarah's hair in Mexico
Lots of food
Spent a half hour last Saturday chasing a woodchuck

Most sincerely yours,
Matt

Is this the best idea?

2010-03-04T18:25:00.003-06:00

So that first picture from the other day -- of the tacos? They were made using the Puerta Vallarta equivalent of a gyro spit. There was a stack of mystery pork cuts, heavily seasoned and tightly pressed together onto a vertical rotisserie. That spun slowly in front of a charcoal chimney with a thin slot of super-heated coals. And smoke came out of it, glorious smoke that seasoned the pineapple that rested on top of the pork spit.

I told Sarah, and I was serious, that that one meal was worth our entire trip. I don't really mean the cost of the trip, though the other fun and experiences were worth that, but the ordeal -- the airport lines, the removing of our shoes, belts, and basic dignity (sidenote: though Sarah apparently looks like a tweeker, I'm happy to report she was found to be drug-free and not a flight risk). All of that was worth it just for the new experience of those tacos. I'm hoping to find a way to recreate them here this summer.

We'd expected Puerto Vallarta to be less touristy than other relatively popular Mexican vacation spots. That's what we'd heard, at least. And it's weird how it was. There was a polar divide between the very-touristy spots/shops (the Malecon, the beach front resorts, etc) and the decidedly non-touristy rest of downtown. One side of a block would have Senior Frogs (actually one side of every block seemed to have a Senior Frogs), but then just across the street would be a second-hand shop, a farmacia, an animal farmacia, and three empty storefronts. Then some graffiti and a stray dog. Then a trinket shop, a beautiful gallery full of skull art, another farmacia, and a nice set of row houses with literal shacks alongside.

The patience for English varied widely, which I actually appreciated. The hotel and nicer restaurants were fine with it, but a few blocks back from the ocean or at any of the taco stands it was a different story. I felt like an asshole a lot of the time with my very limited Spanish, but I also felt good about not being accommodated for. I didn't want to be the Ugly American (insomuch as I could avoid it) expecting to be met on my own terms. So there was a lot of gesturing and polite nodding, on both sides, often.

Maybe you should travel with me.

2010-03-02T20:51:00.000-06:00

Fuimos a México. Comí como una cabra.

and i will talk about this year... if there was something to talk about

2010-02-15T21:47:00.003-06:00

Super Bowl chili above. With cornbread muffins and Surly Darkness.

As an app/side, we tried version two of the sausage burgers from before. This time, sausage meatballs on a mushroom with basil and carmelized onion. Reduced balsamic over that.

Um... I'm not sure what these are, Food Diary. Probably a faulty linked image from another site. Maybe your computer has a virus or something.

Everyday is like Sunday

2010-02-01T19:43:00.002-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

There are things we've seen, or partially seen, that we'll always wonder about -- times where we caught a passing glimpse of something beautiful (or horrible) and quickly turned our heads. Instead of facing the full glory of the mysterious, we backed cautiously away.

Lots of these choices, or non-choices, are life-changing. But some just leave gnawing, insignificant questions -- questions that could have been easily answered if we had just chosen to step towards the unknown.

For instance: Two years ago I was in line at Cub Foods behind a guy who had a cart full of beef jerky and disposable cameras. That's it. Two-dozen packs of beef jerky and three disposable cameras.

Look what I've eaten recently:

That's homemade pork sausage on top of a grilled portabello mushroom, on a bun with reduced balsamic vinegar and a tomato slice. Also some potatoes.

I like food. Food tastes good.

2010-01-25T21:07:00.003-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Following a few boring food weeks, Sarah has been on a crazy recipe-creation kick. Let me show you them:

That's a relatively standard crab cake (crab meat, mashed potatoes, scallions, cilantro, lime zest and minced chili, panko-crusted & pan fried) on top of a spectacular asian spring-greens salad with sweet quick-pickled red onions and mandarin oranges. Her dressing was one lime's worth of zest/juice, the rice-vinegar & sugar pickling brine, soy sauce, mandarin orange juice, and olive oil.

It was great -- a sweet, crispy, tangy, slightly spicy feast.

Tonight, she made a greek turkey-burger.

Unfortunately, turkey isn't all that photogenic. But the burger was delicious. Ground turkey tends to dry out, so Sarah increased the moisture content by grating a quarter onion into it and adding worchestershire sauce & lemon juice.

Last week we fell back on one of our favorite standbys: turkey potstickers and non-fried fried rice.

These snakes get high:

(Just Like) Starting Over

2010-01-04T21:43:00.003-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

It's a new year -- a new decade -- and here we both are, having each survived thus far. I guess congratulations are in order... I'll be waiting for those. You know where I live.

So what have you missed? Well, I built a fort. Actually it was more like I built a two-foot wall and dug a three-foot hole, but some people liked it.

We were down in the Hinter, at Sarah's parents' place. We'd expected to be snowbound, but the snowpocalypse that was promised crept quietly by.

Anyhow, along the way I had a hand in a great Christmas dinner, and I used the other hand to carve a roast beast.

I made fresh horseradish by grating a root, mincing garlic, and adding a mix of rice-wine/apple-cider vinegar.

After dinner, we performed the traditional Christmas experiments with water and money.

Besides the science, Christmas magic! (awwww)

Monday I went to see Fever in the Ox and got to hang out with lots of people I know (plus some I didn't, and a couple I thought I did but didn't). It was good to see and interact with everybody. Also good to see Fever rock it out.

Dylan and MacKenzie were back in town briefly (I saw Dylan at the Fever show, in fact), so on the night before New Year's Eve, Sarah and I went with those two and Christian to the Shorewood Bar and Grill. The name is a little misleading, since the place is Greeker than shit and super-delicious. Great gyro meat there and an awesome scallop appetizer. After Shorewood, we played Rock Band at our place then later tried to hang out at The Otter, Grumpy's, and Our Bar, but found them all lacking in one way or another, so we ended up at Perkins, where I ate yet more (albino mozzarella sticks and a very solid chocolate shake).

That's probably your favorite part of the story, huh, Food Diary? Or the part you hate the most. I can't even tell with you anymore. I feel like we need to reconnect (or never see each other again). Let's make that a goal for the rest of the year. Deal?

All in all you missed out on some fun times, but I'm glad I didn't. Maybe this'll be the decade where I make an effort to join people out in the world and have fun with them.

'Til next time (if there is a next time),

Matt

Monday to Sunday I hit all the clubs

2009-12-19T23:17:00.001-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

I went to a Christmas party last night and ate one of the following things. Guess which.

You said it was like Christmas, but you were wrong.

2009-12-13T18:01:00.001-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

For all you know, I haven't eaten in the past ten days. Let's keep it that way.
There may have been a bucket of cookie dough that I saw and interacted with in some way.

I've been down in Albert Lea and over at work. I went to a show at a place full of stuff like this:

I ate this:

Festive! And this:

Both were lovingly crafted by Sarah.

I have nothing else to report at this time.

Your pal,
Matt

I'm tired and I want to go to bed.

2009-12-03T19:50:00.001-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Why don't we have one more drink and go down and cut that shark open?

Busy Busy Bah Bah Bah

2009-11-30T19:42:00.006-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

The past four days have been super-ass busy for the folks at my work -- me included. I've honestly spent most of my waking hours working, driving to/from work, or eating. That's actually one of the reasons Sarah crafted the Celebration of Pork on Thursday. I was locked away in the office most of the afternoon, working orders.

Anyhow, while I was away at work on Friday (4:00 am 'til 7:00 pm), Sarah put up the Christmas tree and wrapped presents. Pretty much all day. Here's a sample of her efforts:

Then on Satuday I woke up grumbling because I knew I'd have to work most of the day again, but I got up and dutifully started my reporting anyway. Round about 1 pm, Sarah and I decided to take a break from all the housework and workwork we'd been doing and head up to the Springbrook Nature Center for a jaunt around the trails.

We spent a lot of the drive up and the first few minutes of the walk complaining about how much work there was going to be in next few weeks -- lots of staring at computer screens, planning for family stuff, driving to staring at computer screens, driving to staring at family, stuff.

Then we realized we were surrounded by an acre of actual work:

We were in the middle of a forest that had been essentially de-forested by a few fuzzy critters using nothing more than their goddamn teeth. It makes clicking through internet orders or staring at chromosomes all day seem like chump work, and definitely nothing worth complaining about.

This doesn't really convey the extent of their strategic gnawing, but there was a lot of it. And it put everything I've done in my life (with my teeth) to shame.

Speaking of teeth, after another day of (relative) work on Sunday, Sarah made a throwback meal. It's a recipe we call "Devonshire Chicken" since that's where it was born. ...oh, by the way, I'm talking about Devonshire apartment complex in Mankato, not Devonshire, England. One of those places is full of mid-afternoon drunks with unintelligble accents who drive on the wrong side of the road and would sooner run you down than look at you... the other is in England.

This meal was pretty good though. Chicken braised in stock, white wine, garlic, onions, and bay leaves, topped with sauted mushrooms.

Anyway, Food Diary, I've got several weeks to go (hopefully) before the insanity at work lets up (hopefully), but I'd guess the worst of it is over. And really the worst of it was like nothing compared to felling a fricking tree with my bare teeth, then dragging it (again with my teeth and tiny beaver legs) across the forest into the water and across the river to my damn dam.

I think I'll make it.

Thank You Consequence

2009-11-26T19:32:00.007-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Our theme for this year's Thanksgiving was "A Celebration of Pork."

For breakfast, Sarah made french toast and sausage.

Then we tried to recreate a tostones plate we had at Conga a few weeks back for lunch. I ventured out into the ~~cold~~ temperate November air to deep fry some plantains on the grill's side burner while Sarah put the rest of the elements together.

It really only turned out okay. The pork could have used a little more marinade time, and the plantains were pretty meh. Really, though, any time you combine lime, avacado, and cilantro it's hard to complain too much.

Sarah put a lot of thought into supper.

We closed out the pork-related portion of our "Celebration of Pork" with some Banh Mi. It was awesome.

Darker with the day

2009-11-18T21:50:00.003-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Today I quartered a bunch of potatoes and onions, then dumped them in a baking dish with several cloves of garlic and some chopped carrots (plus salt & pepper).

I put that in a 325-degree oven and left the house for about 90 minutes, pretty sure that when I got back I'd either have the beginnings of a good meal or one hell of an insurance claim.

After 90 minutes, the house was still intact and our veggies were mostly roasted, so I added a few chunks from this bag of turds and tossed it all back in the oven.

Actually, that's half-frozen cubes of Surly Darkness from the bottle I opened a couple weeks ago. Not a bag of turds.

After 20 minutes back in the oven I added some unpronounceable sausage from a Ukrainian deli in Coon Rapids. Then, 15 minutes of additional oven time later, there was this:

They Can Only Do Harm.

2009-11-17T20:27:00.007-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

This weekend I turned 30. I had planned on complaining about it to you long and loud... but now that I'm at it I find I don't have the energy. Yikes. That's probably a bad sign for what's left of my youthful vigor. On the bright side: if 30 marks the death of my youth, at least the cake was good at the funeral.

Sunday we ate at home.

I made steak and scallops. Sarah created a vaguely asian "what the hell is in this (in a good way)" salad, and a vanilla vodka-infused berry/mint/lime dessert. Since you probably wouldn't be able to get to sleep without knowing (and joylessly analyzing) what was in that salad, stupid asshole Food Diary, I'll tell you:
    a Granny Smith apple
    a carrot
    a parsnip
    dried cranberries
    cilantro
    honey
    rice wine vinegar
    salt and pepper

See? It was the very picture of healthful side-dishery.

Speaking of pictures -- then we had two Byerly's desserts.

I know and I don't care.

Monday, we both took the day off and returned to the Arboretum (again) so Sarah could take some more awesome pictures.

To summarize: Now I'm practically ancient, I eat too much meat and sugar (and fat), and I'm too tired to even complain about it. Life is good.

Your (old) buddy,

Matt

Fear is a Man's Best Friend

2009-11-10T22:49:00.008-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Last night Sarah and I went to Biff's after work because we both really wanted to eat but neither of us really wanted to cook. Biff's used to be a dive bar that, depending on the night, was either full of half depressing (and mostly drunk) local MGD enthusiasts or mostly depressing (and half drunk) local couples on the hunt for the cheapest possible meal that doesn't come in a bag handed to you through your car window.

I say "used to" because Biff's has recently undergone a major renovation, adding classy five-star amenities like light and ventilation. They replaced their smoke-stained ceiling tile with shiny new copper panels and put bright rows of track lighting up in place of... well, I'm not even sure what it was before. I think the waitresses walked around holding their lighters in the air.

Anyway, it was great before: super affordable and really friendly. Gross, worn down, and boozy... but cheap and approachable. Like Sandra Lee.

The rows of giant HDTVs and ability to see what you're eating have definitely classed up the joint (and the staff is still really friendly), but it's come at a literal expense: prices have gone up a lot, I think by as much as 40% for some things.

But not on Mondays. Mondays are home to Biff's insane "$1 hamburger, taco, or pizza slice" deal... and 2-for-1 domestic beers... and half-price appetizers. It's like what Thanksgiving dinner would be if the Pilgrims had invented deep fryers.

So Sarah and I went to Biff's last night, Food Diary, and we enjoyed several of their promotions. I'll spare your sensitive eyes the details, though. Sufficed to say it was all delicious and there was a lot of it.

Today I suffered from some traditional post-gluttony guilt, and I thought back to all the pizza and cookies I ate Friday (and Sunday). Then I did some quick math and came to the realization that my heart is likely to explode at any minute.

I decided that I'd atone for the questionable food choices I've made recently by eating as healthily as possible today, hopefully reversing all the damage (and fatness) that's accumulated to this point.

For lunch, I had a bunch of vegetables and fruit:

Then tonight I threw together a salad with homemade dressing, garden-grown carrots, and just a few chunks of bacon. (It was the last of the bacon. I couldn't just throw it out -- I had to use it out of respect for the pig.)

I made a side of garlic bread for two reasons: one, I was starved for carbohydrates after my ridiculous lunch. Seriously, how did Triceritops survive for millions of years eating only leafy plants and without the ability to create bread (or pastries)? I barely made it through the afternoon.

Oh, and two: A wise owl once told me that garlic is good for the heart, and I've heard that olive oil reduces cellular damage from the kinds of free radicals an unhealthy diet can unleash on a person's body. So I roughly chopped three huge garlic cloves and dumped that, along with a quarter cup of olive oil, into a giant loaf of bread, then stuck the whole thing in a warm oven while I prepared the salads. It turned out pretty great.

Now we totally reek (and Sarah's not too happy about it), but I feel great. My heart is so relieved that it's pumping out a loud wild rhythm as I write this.

Da-dum. Da-dum. Da-dum-dum-dum. Dum (pause). Da-dum...

(Irregularly) yours,

Matt

I'm Glad I Spent It With You

2009-11-09T01:02:00.015-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

After our solo adventures on Friday, Sarah and I decided to spend most of yesterday afternoon at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. We walked several miles and saw some nature. It was pretty, and the exercise made us both feel a little better about all the sitting, eating, eating, and sitting we'd done the day before.

As soon as we got home, Sarah started working on a turkey pot pie.

She chopped fresh celery, shallots, garlic, and some carrots from the garden (now taking up lots of space in the fridge's veggie tray). After sweating the root veggies and celery, she browned some flour in the same pan, then added a few ounces of Surly Darkness and let it reduce. Then she added chicken stock and simmered that until it thickened a bit.

She transferred it all to a baking dish with some fresh green beans and chopped leftover turkey, popped it in the oven for 20 minutes, then added frozen peas.

We topped that with puff pastry and tossed it back in the oven.

Twenty minutes later, this happened:

It was by far the best meal I've had in the past month. Better than the squid rings at Sawatdee, better than the roasted pork at Conga, better than the plate of cookies I had for lunch Friday.

Sarah made some genius choices with this one. Like when the Darkness reduction turned out slightly too bitter (Darkness '09 is much hoppier than '08), she added a teaspoon of honey along with the chicken broth.

In the end, the whole thing melded into this super-deep and complex combination of flavors and textures. The puff pastry stayed crisp and buttery, each vegetable was cooked to its perfect texture, and the flavors spiraled into stupifying depths of, um, awesomeness.

Darkness was a distractingly rich side beverage -- the stuff, which pours like lightly carbonated maple syrup and tastes unlike any other liquid intended for human consumption, added plenty of depth to the pot pie. On its own it was almost too complicated to actually enjoy. The 2009 batch is sweet, hoppy, earthy (like confusingly delicious mud), and hoppy. Refreshing it's not.

It played its part, though, in what turned out to be a pretty much perfect Fall day.

Yours truly,

Matt

Burning Down the House

2009-11-06T22:27:00.009-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Today Sarah went down to the hinter to see family, leaving me to fend for myself for approximately 30 hours. I know you don't have a husband, Food Diary, but if your compulsive internet dating ever works out and you land one, keep this grim statistic in mind:

There's a six-hour safety threshold for leaving people like me (dudes) home alone. Every two-hour interval after that approximately doubles the likelyhood that we'll break something important, burn down the house, or die. After 24 hours, we're almost certain to do all three.

So Sarah is taking a calculated risk abandoning me here for as long as she is. But she's overdue for some mother/sister time (no, they're not going to watch Chinatown), and I could do with a few hours of the faux-bachelor life. I listened to sports talk radio really loud all morning while I worked, and tonight I spent several hours playing piano. It's like Animal House over here.

Foodwise, I'm making due with whatever is within reach and doesn't require any elaborate preparation.

Breakfast was a Tony's Crispy Crust cheese pizza.

The secret to enjoying things like this monstrosity and its retarded cousin, Totino's Party Pizza, is to forget that it's supposed to be a pizza. It's not one. It's something else, something terrible. Something oddly delicious and addictive, full of unrecognizable elements that are technically edible but non-nutritive.

Speaking of which, this was lunch:

I know. But just look at them!

Plus trans fats will kill me much more slowly than burning to death in a fire would. I already took a chance putting that pizza in the oven earlier -- I'm not going to tempt fate.

As the hours wear on, I'm being extra careful. I didn't even open the Oreo bag with a knife.

It Was All Yellow

2009-11-05T07:17:00.001-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Yesterday I contributed to America by having french fries with two meals.

Razorback Steak

2009-11-03T20:54:00.005-06:00

Dear Food Diary,

Lately I've been sleeping on my stomach with my arms folded up over my head, my face resting on top of my pillow with my interlocked fingers underneath. Every time I fall asleep in that position, I wake up several hours later to find both arms completely numb and unmovable. Then it takes several minutes of rocking my body slowly back and forth until I can manuever my still-functioning shoulders into a position from which they can swing my arms back beneath my head where, eventually and after the WORST PAIN EVER, they return to usability. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die.

Anyway, tonight Sarah threw a turkey breast in the oven for use in a few meals throughout the rest of the week. Meanwhile I seared a couple steaks and Sarah heated up some rice pilaf and peas.

When the steak was done, I made a quick pan sauce with the crusty bits and some red wine, then we set about eating our 1957ish suburbany meal. I washed it down with Summit's fun but mostly-unbalanced Horizon Red Ale, and we waited for our turkey to finish cooking while talking about where we wanted to go for our Thursday night supper out.

Some people (and incorporeal food journals) might think it's a bad sign to talk about a future meal while cooking another after having just finished a third. I would point my middle finger directly at them, provided it wasn't the dead of night and I still had full use of my hands.

An Eerie Sight

2009-11-02T21:03:00.084-06:00

Dear Food Diary,
All things considered, it was a sufficiently creepy Halloween weekend.
First Sarah pointed out these terrifying mutant eyebrows:

We shrugged it off as another pre-birthday sign of me turning into an old man. But by Saturday night the situation had grown considerably more serious and it was clear that I was becoming something else entirely.

I wandered the streets under the cool light of the autumn moon, filled with an ancient yearning to scamper, crazed, into the darkness that lay just beyond each streetlight, to run into the silent shadows that struck warily in from every grove of trees. Howling in delirious wonder at the understanding that I was leaving the crowds of civilization forever, I would be free to roam the wild places. Free from the eyes of any who would look for me among the ever-passing multitudes of humanity, I would never be found again.

Anyway, Food Diary, I don't remember much of what I ate on Saturday.

I woke up Sunday with a little indigestion, since you asked, like someone who'd spent the evening eating sugar cookies and drinking Blue Moon from a keg.

Why must you always be so disapproving?!

You'll be glad to know that Sarah and I collaborated on an excellent meal Sunday night, after she got home from work and I'd enjoyed an afternoon of leisure.

Sarah made a spicy fall-themed peanut butter and pumpkin penne dish, while I chimed in with a garlic/onion/mushroom-stuffed tomato. We continued the fall theme with our beverages. I had apple cider and a Schell's Stout while Sarah enjoyed a hazy Blue Moon.

Sarah had just come up with the pasta idea Saturday, after mentally merging the elements from a couple of separate Food Network segments. It turned out tasty for a first try, but we'll probably add edamame and garnish with scallions next time we make it.

...I guess that's it for now, stupid judgmental Food Diary.

Your Friend,

Matt